Staying home... staying busy...

So, the last few months I have been a little frustrated in my role as a stay at home mom. Don't get me wrong, I love the time with Alexa, but I do feel like I am missing something- almost like I am floundering a little. Part of this feeling, I'm sure, has to do with my depression which still isn't quite under control. But I have come to realize that in all my years of school and work, I was used to "accomplishing" things- in school, I'd get a grade (hopefully it was an A) and while teaching, I would see my students learn a new task, or get observed and "graded" on my teaching. I always have put a lot of emphasis on my outward achievements-- probably more than I should have. I have been praying a lot about placing more emphasis on my inward state of mind. After my dad died, I really struggled with being angry at God- I had experienced the loss of my baby and really felt like I was getting the short end of the stick. I have never really recovered from those feelings, although I am slowly able to say that I am beginning to trust God again.

That being said, I have realized that being a stay at home mom IS a job- I may not get a paycheck, I may not get a piece of paper grading the job I am doing with Alexa, but I am still going to be accountable for the job I am doing. I have felt called to be a stay at home mom for about as long as I can remember- but then after I had Alexa, I was a little disappointed. I remember thinking, "Is this what I have been looking forward to?" Having a child was amazing, staying home with her was just exhausting. I lost the feeling of accomplishment I would get while teaching. In my head, I knew I was teaching Alexa daily, I just didn't see it as clearly. After praying about this for awhile, I realize that I need to be more structured in my time with Alexa- mostly in order to feel like I am accomplishing something by the end of the day.

In September, Mark and I are moving all of our stuff back to Woodbine- back to our house. I'm excited to be back in a bigger space, with a yard to play in, but it will be hard to say bye to Mark every weekend. He will be staying in Atlanta to continue to work at the hospital. As hard as that will be, I have decided that I am going to start "Tot School" for Alexa. I first read about Tot School when looking around at different mom blogs and I came across this one: http://1plus1plus1equals1.blogspot.com. The mom there has taken the play time her children naturally have every day and planned at least one hour of intentional playtime that is educational in nature. I don't think Alexa should be spending hours in "school" but there is no reason that we can't work on different skills at different times. My friend Kaidi starting working on the alphabet with her son when he turned two. He knew most of his letters by 2 and a half. Alexa loves books, flash cards and seeing new things. Most of the things that I have learned about Tot School are things I do with Alexa already, but it will just keep things a little more structured. At this age, children are hungry for knowledge and so curious. I want to take advantage of the time while I have it!

As we get started with Tot School, I will post ideas and a weekly update about what we are doing. I am excited to get started!